Its the time of year when everyone is coming up with reasons why each team can or can not win the premiership. But here is why is team has no chance in hell.
Dragons
The most obvious team to pick reason for failure in, everybody knows why. Chokers. From Soward to Gasnier, each of them had years of premiership slip ups lodged into their esophagus the moment they signed for the red V. With all this failure hampering their breathing, there is no way they will have the stamina to last 80 minutes of intense finals football. It is just not physically possible.
Titans
This team with no heritage has no reason to win the comp. Fans have only been waiting 4 seasons for freaks sake, how fair is that. Besides the last thing the NRL wants is to have to strip another title away from a team, after they discover the 4 lane bowling alley, brewery and 2 kilometer go kart circuit built beneath Scott Prince's house.
Roosters
Anasta. I could just leave it at that but I won't. If his face was printed all over magazines, newspapers and other media, nothing would be sold. Punters would be vomiting in news agencies and making an awful mess. The NRL will not let this happen and no doubt refs will be briefed on the situation.
Raiders
For a start, there is something wrong with the bloody footballs in Canberra. Either that or the atmosphere is different down there cause those things go a bloody mile down there. Anyway, they definitely use this to their advantage and as soon as they come up to Sydney they are goners. The Raiders also have a wealth of bad puns ready to be used that I really don't want to hear. Such as: "A CampEASY Win". "Raiders kick BUTTriss". "MonagHANDS Raiders Victory."
Tigers
The Tigpies are pretenders. All season they have been pretending to score tries, pretending to kick goals, pretending to wins games and the bloody ladder has believed them. Well there is no gullible ladder in the finals and if they pretend to win the GF they will be found out.
Panthers
The refs clearly have it in for Penrith, sending off Civoniceva and all after worse incidents were let go. So its a certainty that finger pointing will be done if Penrith hit the lead.
So there you go, none of the teams have a hope in hell.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Hayne Plane Banned from Race
Organisers of tonight's Fastest Footballer race have made it clear that Jarryd Hayne's Hayne plane is banned from being utilised in the race.
It was decided that the plane simply gave Hayne too much of an unfair advantage.
"It would be ridiculous really." A representative from the event commented. "I mean, imagine being one of the other competitors, slogging it out on foot, and then this bloody idiot soars past overhead. We just can't allow it."
It is understood that the Hayne train is also outlawed, as it poses as a danger to the other runners' safety.
"The train is a different story altogether. Not only is it unfair, but there is a good chance that the train would flatten everyone in it's path. The last thing we want is 7 dead football stars and 1 on trial for murder."
To make things simpler, no machinery will be allowed in the race, and no phenomena rhyming with Hayne will be permitted either, meaning NRL referee Shayne Hayne was ruled out of officiating the event.
"Well there would have been no use getting him to do it anyway, because he would just end up sending the finish to video ref for a thousand replays."
Hayne was disappointed but accepting of the ruling.
"Its disappointing, you know, I would have liked to fire up the plane but I understand. I'll just have to give it a whirl afterwards if I win."
The event will be telecast on OneHD from 8:30 tonight.
It was decided that the plane simply gave Hayne too much of an unfair advantage.
"It would be ridiculous really." A representative from the event commented. "I mean, imagine being one of the other competitors, slogging it out on foot, and then this bloody idiot soars past overhead. We just can't allow it."
It is understood that the Hayne train is also outlawed, as it poses as a danger to the other runners' safety.
"The train is a different story altogether. Not only is it unfair, but there is a good chance that the train would flatten everyone in it's path. The last thing we want is 7 dead football stars and 1 on trial for murder."
To make things simpler, no machinery will be allowed in the race, and no phenomena rhyming with Hayne will be permitted either, meaning NRL referee Shayne Hayne was ruled out of officiating the event.
"Well there would have been no use getting him to do it anyway, because he would just end up sending the finish to video ref for a thousand replays."
Hayne was disappointed but accepting of the ruling.
"Its disappointing, you know, I would have liked to fire up the plane but I understand. I'll just have to give it a whirl afterwards if I win."
The event will be telecast on OneHD from 8:30 tonight.
Monday, September 6, 2010
"Wasn't Me" Says Tandy
Bulldogs forward Ryan Tandy who is at the center of the NRL's late alleged betting scandal has talked to the media for the second time regarding the incident.
"My agent told me my last chat with you guys wasn't convincing enough." Tandy began. "So, you know, I've decided to issue this statement to, you know, put to bed all suspicions towards me."
"The player you saw making that error, and giving away that penalty was simply not me."
"It was Kimmorley, I swear. Look, you have no way of proving that man is actually me. You know, can you DNA test a video? No, I don't think so... You can't right... Shit, should have asked my manager that one first... Anyway, you know, it isn't important. It was a corrupt Indian cricket bookie exploring new avenues. He tied me up and then, you know, dressed up as me."
"So I'm sure that sets the record straight. You can check my alibi with my manager, he untied me." Tandy concluded.
He proceeded to leave the press conference in his brand new Mercedes Benz, which he claimed to have found when earlier quizzed about it.
"I swear, you know, someone just left it outside my place!"
"My agent told me my last chat with you guys wasn't convincing enough." Tandy began. "So, you know, I've decided to issue this statement to, you know, put to bed all suspicions towards me."
"The player you saw making that error, and giving away that penalty was simply not me."
"It was Kimmorley, I swear. Look, you have no way of proving that man is actually me. You know, can you DNA test a video? No, I don't think so... You can't right... Shit, should have asked my manager that one first... Anyway, you know, it isn't important. It was a corrupt Indian cricket bookie exploring new avenues. He tied me up and then, you know, dressed up as me."
"So I'm sure that sets the record straight. You can check my alibi with my manager, he untied me." Tandy concluded.
He proceeded to leave the press conference in his brand new Mercedes Benz, which he claimed to have found when earlier quizzed about it.
"I swear, you know, someone just left it outside my place!"
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